5 people you’d like to accompany you on a bar crawl. Must be alive, so animals and vegetables only — no minerals. Ready, GO!
1. R. Kelly – “R & B Singer slash crazy person.” Urinates on teenage girls, hosts musical cruises – I don’t understand why this man wouldn’t make everyone’s list.
If Carlos also decides to tag along, I will institute a mandatory no shirt policy.
2. Bill Clinton – Because he is my most favorite president and let’s face it, we all know Bill likes to party. Here he is slammin’ some beers with the U.S. Men’s Soccer Team during the World Cup, so he’s clearly properly prepared. (The delicious man you see standing next to him is Captain Carlos Bocanegra. I will dedicate a future post to U.S. men’s soccer for you so you all can become better acquainted!) Hell, Hilary can come too, I’ve seen the way she takes down shots of Henne..
3. James Carville – While on a Democratic political figure kick, I’ll take Slick Willie’s lead campaign strategist as well. Bald, Cajun, likes to yell…..perfect.
4. Aaron Rodgers – I’m sure you saw at least ONE sports figure coming. Rodgers seems like he’d be pretty cool to have some beers with. Also, ‘The Belt’ totally makes a great post shot dance. I actually once had dream that I hung out with Aaron and Brian Schottenheimer at a Cracker Barrel. Don’t ask, I really can’t begin to explain.
5. The Entire Cast of 30 Rock – Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Tracey Morgan….you can’t really expect me to pick just one of them. So I’m taking the whole cast, sort of a packaged deal kinda thing. Plus, James already is BFF’s with all the 30 Rockers so it’s perfect!!!
1. Accomplice- because she is my accomplice. Does that really need further explanation? She lets me into port-o-potty’s with her when I see an ex during a bar crawl. She gets me an eye-patch and goes with me to the ER when I refuse anything is wrong. She always has a sharpie and says things like, “Of course we were a hit at that bar. Girls that look like us don’t go to places like that.” I believe she would have my back in a fight. She is amazing at running interference.
As for my other 4 picks…I am about to list men that I find appealing..
2. Carlos Ruiz- Because I want someone on the bar crawl I have a difficult time understanding, but whom I find endearing. I am confident that he would think my absurd ideas are fun and encourage irrational behavior, but also provide solid piggy-backs when I can no longer walk. He might buy a few rounds too. I believe he would have my back in a fight.
Thanks Thinking, for giving us a reason to post a pic of Eric Northman!
3. Alexander Skarsgard- Because I will be unable to lose him in a crowd. Because there should always be someone on your bar crawl that you want to sex. It makes the whole thing more of a game/challenge/awkward drunk moments. I would not “shade” from the crawl if he was on it. He might buy a few rounds. He may deter fights, avoiding people needing to have my back.
4. George Stephanopoulos- I find him adorable. I think his commentary would entertain me. There would be someone else on my plane of vision. He could talk to Carville and Clinton and relive their glory days. Maybe we could get a book deal from this experience.
5. Jon Snow- Not the actor. I actually want the Jon Snow character in the HBO series, season 1. Why? Because he is loyal, has something to prove, a virgin and would bring a direwolf. Why are these things necessary? Loyalty is key on a bar crawl when shit starts to go down. People that have something to prove get serious about drinking, fun, and adventure. People that are hot and virgins confuse/excite me and pose a challenge on a crawl. It’s a direwolf. If I can get Jon to love me on a bar crawl, maybe the direwolf will too and then I can have a cuddly, ferocious wolf-thing. update: and if Snow turns out to be gay, well, sad for me, but you always need a gay man on a bar crawl too?
1. A Zombie- Not technically living BUT they could eat all the really annoying people in crowed bars and the door guy at Johnny Brenda’s when he tells us ‘the show is sold out.’
I don't think there is anyone more prepared for a bar crawl than THIS woman. She will kick your ass in beer pong and flash you at the same time. This woman defines winning.
2. Betty White- She’s old, she’s funny as hell and has a mouth like a sailor (and probably a hoover without those teeth). We’d reach VIP status for sure because who doesn’t want to party with that Golden Girl? I would also enjoy seeing if any of our male friends would get drunk enough to sleep with her.
3. George R.R. Martin- First of all, he looks like a character straight out of Moby Dick or The Old Man and the Sea so obviously he enjoys drinking. Secondly, I could light a fire under his ass to get off the internet blogging about the Jets and get to work on the 6th book so fans don’t have to wait another 6 years to find out what happens. Or worse, finish the books before he kicks the bucket.
4. Jenny Lewis and Jonathan Rice- They are the cutest and most talented indie couple ever. I could simultaneously seduce both of them and have them serenade me while Jenny recites lines from Troop Beverly Hills. They would then realize that clearly I belong on tour with them and we’d all move to Austin and eat granola.
5. My cats in a stroller- Great conversation piece…
Is this not the face of someone who wants to get their drink on!?!